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A man who jumped off of the Golden Gate Bridge had left a suicide note that said;
“I’m going to walk to the bridge, if one person smiles at me on the way, I will not jump.”
After reading this last night, I felt like so much life had been sucked out of me. I was completely haunted by the feeling of walking to my own death, just waiting for a smile to pull me back from the ledge. A smile that would never come.
It took me back to 7th grade in a flash for an assembly with a public speaker. A man whose name I cannot remember but A man I will never forget.
” .. the power of a smile, a compliment to a stranger, a simple hello in passing. You may not think much of this to yourself, but to somebody else it could mean everything, it could be the difference …”
Something in that resonated with me to my soul. I felt so much freedom in the power of my own ability to be kind, to be warm, to be welcoming. And I know in this jaded world it becomes difficult to maintain that ideal when you are brushed off with so many cold shoulders. But the thought to be that one smile to somebody that truly needed it. To be the difference. Imagine that.
Rocking this Vegetarian thing for 4 months now and nothing in life tempts me like Chinese food. Sweet lord, and it tempts me something fierce! I’ve been craving this for months. But nope, brown rice and steamed veggies for this poser. Take out ordered left and right, and I just stare and inhale the aroma as deeply as possible. Bitches. You just had to order the love of my appetite.
I’m not exactly sure when we will be reunited you delicious mate to my taste bud soul. But I can tell you that Peaches and Herb will be playing for the occasion.
No matter how many ambitions I have in life, how many dreams and desires. It’s the simplicity of a moment like this. I’ll know I’ve made it in life, when I walk into the back garden of my own home and lie in a hammock under my favorite shady tree. Letting myself wander helplessly into another world within the pages of a book.
I can feel the warmth of the sun on my skin breaking through the branches. My honey will come home, and lie next to me. I can already feel his lips against mine, like I’ve known them my entire life.
What more could a girl want.
I don’t want to press play tonight, so I don’t. I just listen to my breath, as I breathe in and out, in and out. I hear the breeze whisper through the trees. I hear my feet hit the concrete, steady. Unlike my heart beat, racing to get ahead. When it hurts too much to take another step, I take 10.
Hands now on my knees, trying to catch the melody of a breath escaping me. I reach those hands toward the sky, and I can feel the moonlight against my fingertips. I close my eyes. My chest moves in and out, in and out.
She always takes my breath away.
Headphones swaying beside me as I run, like pendulum. Time and space to move with these feet. Just me and the concrete.
Just me in a world asleep.
Pretty sure that’s not how you’re supposed to do it.